grave mistakes

06 December 2020

Laying in silence
It's easy to run those thoughts through my head 
Over and over again. 

Thinking of all the possibilities and regrets 
Of what I have done or said, 
Or what I could have said. 
When time continues to slip by, 
Those thoughts to reach out again. 
But, instead I make excuses.
Feeling embarrassed 
For not reaching our sooner, 
Feeling like I may be bothersome.

So time continues 
To keep moving 
And so does the chance that I will ever take that first step.

But I'm reminded, 
That though missed opportunities and mistakes have led to replaying the what ifs of today, 
That these aren't unmendable. 
Although it might not be patched up the way it was before, 

It is still redeemable.
It is still valuable.

That if I were to sit and reflect on the mistakes that have brought me to where I stand now, 
I would remember 
That those mistakes were redeemed for something better. 
So keep moving, 
Even when the past won't let you forget. 

I must move forward 
And not lay here to rest.

Though i've made grave mistakes, the grave didn't hold my Lord down


Life Lessons from a Dying Houseplant

05 July 2019

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to adopt a couple of plants from a local supermarket. Somehow I got caught up in the houseplant trend and was inspired to add a little greenery to my small space. I wanted to give it a try, even with my past history of having a brown thumb! Little did I know how exciting, but also frustrating at times green leaves can be... Here are a few lessons I've learned about life and myself – all from a struggling houseplant.

1. a gradual process is better than forced progress

When I first picked up my first round of plants last summer, I could blink and there would already be a new leaf growing on the side. Towards the end of the warm season however, things started progressing much slower. Watching them grow became less exciting and tested my patience. Because I was overly focused on seeing a fuller, matured plant, I missed out on the small steps along the way. I missed out on understanding and learning how to take care of each plant individually, instead hurting them by trying to force a process that takes time.

I believe the same thing happens in life when we try to speed up the process during seasons when we need to take things slow. Learn to be patient and witness the beauty found in the smaller steps.

2.  see things how they are, not how I expect things to be

When I picked up my colorful friend, I had it stuck in my mind it was a variegated rubber plant (which was a huge and silly novice mix-up to make 😳). This mistake led me to care for it in all the wrong ways, all because I perceived it to be something it wasn't. Unfortunately, until the plant had a near death scare, I did not realize what it actually was to care for it properly. As a result, leaves starting curling in all the wrong directions and the soil swinging between being either too dry or soaked.

3. failing sucks

As the weeks continued, my plant's progress kept inconsistently wavering, losing its leaves one-by-one. It was time to let the dying thing die. This was not only hard for the fact that I failed at keeping yet another plant alive. But also it made me feel like all the effort I put into trying to revive it and keep it happy was wasted. But looking back now, I know a lot more about what not to do the next time which is still better experience than none.

In the end, there are some things to be learned from even the tiny details in life. I guess my next step will be making a quick stop at the nearest plant nursery. Wish me the best and a green thumbs up! 😳🌿

Summer Road – Playlist

17 June 2019

© arise and create. Design by FCD.